I wonder why things have to change. Whether change is the right word. Maybe it is the word Development. But then I realise that I only see it as a 'development' in retrospect. Today, I feel it to be a 'change', so perhaps next time it will become a 'development'. I only hope that it takes me enough time, so that I can learn all that I can. I am afraid that I won't learn from my mistake. To learn one must seek out the lesson. To not always rely on the voice your of heart? Never hope that the man will 'develop', even though he would think that you are trying to 'change' him. Or to always listen to your mind? 'Stop this absurdity, he's a prick!' Since things have changed I've left my heart and mind to fight or even just bicker (duel to the death!).
Mind you, Pocohontas hasn't helped much with "Follow your heart" rubbish. Because of you Disney, I have had my heart broken so many times (but not that many). Not to mention Bollywood with the heroes (main guy) being so charming or good at fighting (the villains). Although saying that, I've not got many enemies so prince charming's kung fu skills won't ever be required. Even so -_- I've hoped that I don't end up a spinster with (lots of) cats. I have hoped that I can stand someone long enough to marry them for 20 years. Why 20? Well because I don't want to be a single mother, so by that time, I'm thinking the one child I do have will be 18 (have kid after two years of lovey dovey time then loveyness will wear off so will need a distraction) and fly the next to university. Of course I now know that they are not Heroes. And not to completely follow my heart! I can remember my heart feeding my mind the same BS- I can be happy with this guy- so many TIMES.
So where do I go from here? I find that every time I think I know where I am going, it usually goes wrong. The biggest and best advice I can give any girl- never day-dream about your future with some guy, EVER! This includes the engagement, the wedding, the kids and parents evening! The otherwise small heartache usually turns into something even bigger when you plan your future with them. Just don't do it. I guess the same goes with dudes too but me being a chick, I know we ladies like to day-dream. Not the best idea.
I'll try and minimise the day-dreaming.
Things are bound to get better... right? In fact, I believe they will. I will develop and I will accept change.
I will learn.
Until next time,