There always comes a time when we all have a moment or moments followed more moments when reach self realisation. I feel that so far I have suppressed that moment with an overwhelming sense of positivity in almost everything I do. From every day tasks such as cooking food to my hopes and aspirations, what I want to do in life, to what I feel I was born to do.
Yesterday for the first time in a long while, I decided to write down my thoughts. When the ink had dried, I realised that perhaps there is no hope in what I want to do in life. That perhaps there is no hope for helping the human race. There seems no point in saving it, for it was made to self-destruct. Humans, we are not worth saving. Yet my degree has always been about saving, preserving and helping those in need, those without equality and those in suffering. I suppose the situation in Ukraine was the catalyst in this small self realisation. I am proud be British, I always thought my county helped those in need. Yet we won't stand against Russia because we don't want to lose their investors. Of course, I always knew that diplomacy itself wasn't based on what's right or wrong, but on what can be gained or lost. I suppose I had been naive to think that the Tories would do the right thing. This whole situation shows the reality of diplomacy, and it truly saddens me. It has made me wonder what can I do in a world that has already established it's own way of doing things, as I will only get swallowed and then spat out. There is no room for honest, naive people out there. What change can I really bring when the world is controlled by fat cats?
Perhaps, tomorrow I will wake up with determination to keep going and keep fighting, but today I see the world without the rose tinted glasses.
I have lost hope today. All I see is misery.