Tuesday, 18 February 2020

My-graines and My online store!

Migraines are the worst. Unless, of course, you only get them once every few months, for then you can say that cheesy yet deep line, "this too shall pass". Hey, it helps, and once the migraine vanishes, the light headedness is pure euphoria. 
Unfortunately, for me I have been getting them nearly every single day, not just once but multiple times a day since last year. I can't tell myself that this too shall pass every time now. I used to, it was a great comfort when I got them once a month or so. How something so comforting has now transformed into a punching bag is quite crazy to me.

Migraines are the worst. I hope you don't get them, even you, my worst enemy, of which I have none but I wanted to add that just in case. I miss going outside for walks without feeling dizzy, or looking bewildered in Sainsbobs (Sainsburys) that I scare the language school students. It happened. I miss breathing in fresh ish air and not being nearly knocked out by the werewolf like senses I've developed that make every smell a 100 times stronger that make me sick. I have shrunk the size of my mouth because I am constantly unconsciously clinching my jaw because I'm afraid I will throw up. Lurvly.

I just thought you ought to know, being absent so long. I have instagram now, not that I'm regularly on it, though I do use it quite a bit more. I'll add a link below. I also opened an online shop. I'm not managing it as well as I should, again because of the above. But I did put some stuff on there. I will most likely, soon, I hope, put a post up about it, but having been silent on here, I thought I may as well share it here.
So, you can buy my art prints themselves or the drawings on various other things like scarves, mugs, cushions, etc if you wish. I already tested them and it's good quality. I have the tote from the first picture below at the bottom. There's more designs available in the store, check it out. 

Here are some pictures. 
Price's are most likely going to be different. 

The best thing is the website Red Bubble only make the items when ordered which means that there's no extra waste. Here's the link:

You know, I feel less annoyed, irritated and grumpy from when I started typing up this post. Thank you for reading. 

Until next time, 
Sen x

Follow me:
Instagram: Senlanoire 
Twitter : @senlanoire
Online store: Senlanoire.redbubble.com 

Wednesday, 20 November 2019

Life in Pain

Well, I'm still here, thoughts moving so fast that it's been hard to catch one thread tight enough to write something. When I'm drugged up on intense pain killers- which is how I've been like for the past year or so that I feel as though I'm not even in the same dimension as my thoughts and feelings. I feel like a fetus in the womb trying to communicate with the people outside touching the belly of the person carrying me. It is all mumbled up, nothing makes real sense. I can't see let alone discern this mish-mash of the world beyond the very outer layers of my consciousness.

And yet without these pain killers, I am too conscious, all the thoughts become so overwhelming that I get crushed by the reality I face. I can't help but wonder why I have to suffer so much, why I've been in so much pain for so long, and why it's so bad this time around, why I am unable to fight and overcome it this time. I worry about my future and the dreams I have that will be quite simply snuffed out. Most importantly, I worry that I have let those around me down. Without the pain killers, I may as well never get out of bed, because I won't be able to. It's hard enough with the cold temperature as it is. 

There are so many people out there who are in pain, have been in pain for so long without a clear diagnosis. You are not alone. No wonder chronic pain and mental health illness go hand in hand. So we keep popping pills to make us marginally not feel the pain that largely zombifies us, and the antidepressants that make us feel blind hope. I demand a diagnosis. And apparently at 32 they listen to you more closely than when you're 19. No more false hope, no more blind faith. They did their tests, they found anomalies. Soon, I will finally know what's been wrong with me. I love the NHS as a concept but it has really let me down when it has come to my chronic pain. I've been let down so many times, hopes of a cure dashed, ambiguous answers and a few times even a crying for help. After 13 years of suffering, I feel closer to an answer I've been searching for. 

I honestly don't care what it is that I have. I've already lived with it for years and years. Just give me the name and I can address it head on. Give me a clear path so that I can restart my life. 

Until next time, 
Sen x