Friday, 20 July 2012

Future Aspiration

I often wonder, late into the night, when the world's reality becomes rather over bearing, what really matters in this life I have been given to live.

What is love? Is it really all that we are told that it is? Or is it just another pain in the backside? Gloomy, perhaps. 

Love has brought me an over bearing heartache in the past, like smoke it overtakes most of the sunlit landscape that no doubt is there somewhere. It is definitely not the most important thing to me. Yet it is there, in the holes of the wants and needs where my career and future prospects cannot fill.

Love cannot and will not keep a roof over my head. Nor will it keep my stomach full or pay the bills. 

So, I wonder, why is it something that I crave. Why do I feel warmth at the thought of being in love. And most of all, why when I think of my future I always see myself happy with someone rather than a successful career woman?

I wonder how much this has to do with the way we are conditioned to think as women, and how much this has to do with what I really truly want as a woman...

Sen x

Friday, 13 July 2012

Great Expectations

 A man from whom nothing is expected is a happier man than the one from whom great things are expected- (Me)

Lately, I've been feeling as though people are expecting a lot from me. They say thing like- "Oh, You'll be successful", or, "I can see a big career ahead for you" or in my mum's case, it's plain and simple, and a bit over the board - "You can buy me a house in a few years when you have a big job, oh and you will have a big job, I asked the Pandit". (Pandits are Indian Psychics).

I'm not really complaining, I'm concerned. What if I can't do it? When I'm feeling slightly depressed I think that it would be better if I die young because then people can say "She would gone far" because if I don't make it, that'll just disappoint every one, but most of all, me.


I suppose I'm working towards something- I've finished college with good marks (yay). I didn't fail like I thought I would. My back pain held me back a little (a lot of absence) but that was to be expected. I'm going to uni in September...

... BUT I feel as though everyone who tells me that I have a bright future or whatever is ignoring the present. As though I am nothing right now. It's as if my life hasn't begun yet. To be honest, this is how I was looking at it for a while too, just looking forward to starting to live that high life. I guess something changed a couple of months ago. I realised this is it. Now is important too.

It's important that we don't dream too much that we lose the sense of reality. I've made that mistake before.

It's all a journey and I want to savour every moment.

Have a happy Friday the 13th. Watch your step and cross the road carefully!