Thursday, 26 June 2014

A Note to My Younger- Pre- Uni Self

Since coming back from Sweden, I have had some time to reflect on my life thus far. I am sure that a lot of people experience their own rollercoaster of a life, and that I am not the only one, but no matter how much advice they will give you, you can never learn from their mistakes, but your own. But as Neil Gaiman says, 'there are no mistakes'... 'regret nothing'. I took that on board last year and I'm not sure yet of whether it has made my life better or worse. I definitely can say with some confidence that as life goes, my current life is still better than when I lived with my parents. But with liberty and freedom, one can only blame oneself for one's choices and decisions. But, then, I guess we can never know fully the consequences of any decision we make, and of course, some things come back to bite us on the arse many years later too.

Something I realised today, although have been doing myself for years was pretending to be okay. I thought that I could see it when other people were pretending to be okay too, but after reading a friend's blog, I just realised that I don't know about that at all. Which brings me to another point, since leaving home I have been obsessed with going to university, to show to my father that I am capable of studying and standing on my own two feet that I have completely overlooked understanding and learning the capability of human empathy. To learn that a friend has been to hell and back on their blog is pretty shameful. Besides, what am I if not just like my father who put education and money before love. I feel that I have been so obsessed with my own life to hop over the fence to see what's been happening in other friends' lives, to be there for them, when they were there for me when I had the biggest heartbreak of my life.

I think that my life is lacking, but I have been the one who has made it so. I finally went to uni and since then I have become complacent. I am not living my life fully, instead I roam around the edges. All I can say is sorry... forgive me for not being there for you when you needed a friend the most.

Sen x

The blog in question: