WARNING: Written while extremely upset
It's sometimes difficult and impossible to heal old wounds, especially when those wounds cause bitterness between two people. Time never heals wounds. Those who say so are deluded or lying to you.
I have a difficult relationship with my mother, I hadn't spoken to her for over 6 months until very recently. I haven't spoken to my father for nearly 9 years. The one thing I have realised is that no matter how old one gets, one always craves for the love only a parent can give; the safety blanket laced with love and affection that is the warmest and the softest. God only knows that I've been craving their love for such a long time. No amount of love from friends or past loves have ever managed to fill the hole I've always had in my heart.
Why is it that forgiveness comes so naturally for me in all other situations, and all other people apart from them? I suppose I hoped that they would know better, understand things better, and know me better. But then again I wonder how well parents would know the children they never raised.
In the Indian culture, we are told that when something bad happens to us in this life, it is due to the bad things we have done in our previous life. I sometimes wonder whether I left my own children in my previous life, because I don't really know if there is a worse pain or punishment out there than this. I know I sound naive and idiotic saying that, there probably is a worse pain but I don't think I've ever felt this amount of anguish....
I understand that everyone has their own problems in life. I try not to publish these types of posts because I don't want to make people sad; I want to make people think.
This post probably looks unfinished, it kind of is but I just couldn't go on.
Until next time,