Wednesday, 16 January 2013

The Sombre Truth

I've spent the past month pretty much cooped up in the apartment, feeling unable to go outside. Finished the first term of uni on the 17th of Dec. Felt like I was getting depressed in October when I began feeling anxious to leave the flat on uni days. Missed quite a few days. Still managed to do well in the assignments. Handed in all 5, so far received back the results of 2. I'm very happy with the results.

I really thought I was over the anxiety. Now it's come and bitten me in the backside. What am I afraid of? I really wanted to do so much with my time off. Now I only have 2 weeks left and very little to show for it. I only feel safe being outside with friends. It's got to point where I now shop on-line for clothes and shoes instead of going into town- 20 minutes away.

I am in Derby. That's probably a surprise as I said I've been locked up at home. My mum's been ill; she asked me to visit her. It's probably the best thing I could have done as being cooped up was also making me slightly depressed and not to forget- fat.

Inactivity as bad as this, for my flat is small and walking from one end to the other cannot be constituted as exercise, has made me podgy. I guess I can, for once, use the blaming game, for it was only recently the festival of blaming, other wise known as Christmas for the food and New years for the drink. Inactivity is also rather hungry work. As there was not much to do, I just sat there eating. Not all the time, but every couple of hours. Who needs a pet?

I feel the pangs of embarrassment already. All my posts are always honest. This one, however, somewhat more so than the others.
I may even update loads in the coming days so this post goes to the bottom of the page.

It is so much easier to get rid of something tangible that obstructs your way. But when that is not the case as it is with me, it is so much harder. Every time I am outside in general, it is because I have won. I don't win everyday.

Sen x

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